The lies anxiety tells us
Anxiety is a normal stress response—our body's way of reacting to pressure, challenges, or perceived threats. While everyone experiences it differently (from freezing to intrusive thoughts or perfectionism), anxiety often whispers lies that hold us back. Here are some of those lies and how to overcome them. (28.5.25.)
Anxiety: The lies we tell ourselves
As an anxious person, it’s easy for me to believe anxiety’s lies and self-doubts. It shows up as focusing on the negatives, catastrophising (assuming the worst possible outcome will happen), and a fear of making mistakes. For me, it’s linked with perfectionist tendencies and needing 100% control.
Research into anxiety shows that those with anxiety have:
Underconfidence: Psychology Researcher Sucharit Katyal notes that "People with anxiety and depression tend to exhibit persistent underconfidence... Their skewed judgment of their own abilities can lead them to avoid new tasks, even when they can do them." - Sucharit Katyal (University of Copenhagen, 2025).
Distorted self-perception: A recent study (Katyal et al., 2025) found that people with anxiety and depression often feel underconfident in their abilities, even when they're performing well. This is because they tend to focus only on moments when they felt unsure, ignoring times they felt confident. This skewed self-perception leads them to believe they're not capable. The research suggests that positive feedback from others can be very helpful in correcting this distorted view.
Push away discomfort: We often engage in emotional suppression—trying to push away or hide our feelings—because it offers a temporary sense of relief from discomfort. We might tell ourselves "I'm fine" or "It'll pass," but this strategy often backfires, ultimately increasing anxiety and preventing us from truly processing our emotions and adapting. Research shows we can’t hide our feelings, as suppression can lead to chronic stress and anxiety (Gross & Levenson, 1997).
Self-doubt and double-checking: When you repeatedly check things because of anxiety (like whether the door is locked), it makes you less confident in your memory. The more you check, the more you doubt yourself, creating a cycle where anxiety makes you check more, and checking makes you trust your memory even less. This leads to a false belief that you can't rely on your memory. "The more you check, the more you doubt your memory" (Radomsky et al., 2006, as cited by BPS).
Anxiety: Lies to stay in the comfort zone
Why do we stay in our comfort zone even when we want to achieve more? Because our brains crave predictability and order, over the discomfort of the unknown (and uncertainty of growth).
"Your amygdala doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and a remembered one. It reacts to both with equal intensity"
- Dr. Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist
Anxiety tricks us into treating past regrets or future worries as present emergencies. Anxiety also convinces us that stepping out means losing that control, even if it’s an illusion (Langer, 1975).
Anxiety’s controlling thoughts
"Better the devil you know" → The amygdala treats uncertainty as danger, making us prefer familiar misery over unknown growth (LeDoux, 1996).
"At least I know what to expect" → We mistake predictability for control, even when it harms us (e.g., staying in a dead-end job).
"If I don’t try, I can’t fail" → Procrastination/avoidance feel like control, but are just fear in disguise.
Rituals = False Safety → Rigid routines ("If I do X, I’m safe") trick us into confusing habits with actual influence.
Anxiety & taking brave action
The key to breaking anxiety is being aware that this anxious voice wants to keep you safe. Yet, in staying safe, you remain stuck. It’s ok to have rituals and self-soothing rituals when life is overwhelming. The point is, to stretch incrementally towards new activities each day. When you’re slightly stressed or overwhelmed, this shows you’re going for more (it’s not a state to run away from).
Anxiety loses power when the brain is in "exploration mode" so learn something new each day. It could be reaching out to a friend, a new word, or a new skill. By keeping active, you keep the mind from too much self-examination and rumination.
Anxiety Breaker Daily Checklist
Make it stand out
Breaking free from anxiety means changing how you think. First, spot the lie anxiety tells you, then reframe it into a balanced, kinder thought. Next, check your logic: Is this thought 100% true? Instead of running, move towards what's challenging, understanding that struggle, fear, and doubt are normal. Stay with the discomfort, and picture your task completed, feeling the pride, relief, and peace. Taking action lightens anxiety's load, elevating your self-belief.
What can you do to change anxiety?
Connect to your big why. What motivates you to change beyond your comfort zone? Allow yourself to get excited by the idea of stepping out and facing your fears.
When it gets hard, have little treats to push you through. Make sure to keep a log of every small win each day so you can see progress (even if it’s incremental).
By practising discomfort on purpose, you’re building up your emotional resilience. Think of your resilience as an elastic band. Each day a little to go a little bit further. Like building muscle, tolerating discomfort strengthens emotional resilience. Try cold showers, unfamiliar routes, or speaking up in meetings to train your brain (Craske et al., 2014).
It’s likely your inner critic will pop up to say hello. Choose to give yourself self-compassion. Instead of expecting 100% perfection, allow yourself to mess up and actively highlight the progress you’re making.
Action over avoidance
Experiment: Make a small change you’ve avoided (e.g., exercise, paperwork, bills). Notice that the feared catastrophe doesn’t happen—your brain recalibrates.
Brain training for less anxiety
So, train your brain to step out of safety and into growth by seeing that safety is the lie, growth is the truth. You can do it. You can make mistakes. And you can struggle (and get more resilient).
Remember, nothing bad happens when you make mistakes. Learn to tell yourself new empowering stories and take new actions. It will get easier the more you train your brain to go into the growth zone.
Note
If you’ve had anxiety for a long time, remember that change takes time. Please be kind to yourself, like a true friend, especially when you slip backwards. The best path forward is to start small, gradually increasing challenges, and celebrate your daily wins along the way. If you'd like support on your anxiety journey, consider reaching out for a free 30-minute therapy call.
References
Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10-23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006
Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.106.1.95
Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Harmony Books
Katyal, S., & colleagues. (2025). Distorted learning from local metacognition supports transdiagnostic underconfidence. Nature Communications. (Please note: The full APA reference would require specific page numbers/article ID if available in the final publication).
Oakley, B. (2014). A mind for numbers: How to excel at math and science (even if you flunked algebra). TarcherPerigee.
Radomsky, A. S., Gilchrist, P. T., & Dussault, M. (2006). Repeated checking really does cause memory distrust. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(2),
University of Copenhagen. (2025, April 4). Why do we doubt our own abilities when we are good at something? https://psychology.ku.dk/news/2025/why-do-we-doubt-our-own-abilities-when-we-are-good-at-something/
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