Triggered? Be a witness to your moods and thoughts
How can I be a “witness” to my moods and thoughts, observing them without getting swept up by them? Is it possible to create space between myself and my inner experience, noticing thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky? Or is being triggered, reactive and angry just part of being human? I’ll explore easy mindfulness tools to help me stay grounded when triggered (21.5.25).
Triggered A.F.
Since becoming a mom nearly two years ago, I’ve noticed I get easily triggered. I feel overly sensitive to my partner’s criticism, other people’s opinions, or even small rejections. It’s as if my failings and mistakes are evidence that I’m just not good enough: Not a good enough mom, not a good enough cook, not a good enough person.
Triggers often come from experiences like rejection, failure, criticism, or loss. When something in the present reminds you of that pain, it can feel like it’s happening all over again. Your heart races, your body tenses, and you might feel the urge to run, shut down, or defend yourself. It’s your body trying to protect you, even when you’re safe.
So, how do I spot a trigger when it's happening?
As a mom, my triggers are criticism, deadlines, and negative feedback. This is because my core wound is not being a good enough mom. I constantly compare myself and see myself as deficient (whether the evidence is true or not).
Spotting a trigger in real-time can be like trying to catch smoke with your hand. It happens so fast because your brain is reacting in an old, familiar way. There’s usually little awareness, but you can start to notice signs. For example, when someone criticises me, my body goes into a stress response that’s an overreaction to what’s being said.
Firstly, notice that you’re being triggered. These intense emotions go from 1-100 in a second. You’re fine, and then you’re suddenly sad, angry, or shut down.
Pay attention to these trigger signs
Meditating or breathing can add space around thoughts. Not being too attached to thoughts or taking anyone’s opinion personally is a good start to building up presence:
"Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won't)." — James Baraz (as cited in Greenberg, 2018)
What’s the difference between a trigger and a core wound?
If you’ve been in therapy you may have heard the term “core wound.” This is an emotional injury (usually formed in childhood) that shapes the person’s self-perception and relationships with others.
The emotional wound (shame, fear, blame, rejection, distrust, inadequacy etc) usually comes from neglect, criticism, or unmet emotional needs. This can then turn to beliefs such as, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable,” or “I don’t belong.”
Early emotional injuries can impact us deeply and carry on into adulthood. In his article Childhood Wounds and the Legacy of Shame (2024), Richard Nicastro, PhD notes that if core wounds are left unaddressed, this can result in a “shame-based identity,” where individuals see themselves through a lens of inadequacy and unworthiness.
This internalised shame can show up as distrust in relationships, low self-esteem, and emotional distress. He notes:
"When shame becomes internalised, it becomes a lens through which we view ourselves and the world."
How do I stay curious (not combative) when triggered?
“Be curious about your emotions,” my therapist tells me. And yet, when you’re triggered, your body gets ready to fight, and you’ve got a second to hold back or strike out. Usually, the body wants release so curiosity and groundedness take the backseat. And then you’re fully into the argument wondering, “how did I get here?”
Opt for feeling your body in fight mode: Notice your tight chest, fluttery stomach, and clenched jaw or fists. Your nervous system is activated, and even just saying, “I’m in fight mode” can make you more aware that you have a choice - to fight or pause. Breathe, and allow yourself to say, “I’m safe, even when activated.”
What’s the core wound? Do you notice you feel triggered by the same things each time. Swap, “Why are they saying this?” to “What’s this really about?” This lets you dig deeper into understanding that your core wound is coming up here. The trigger is poking at the same sore points (not feeling good/loved/safe enough etc).
Let the emotion move through: Emotions are like waves, so see them crash and rise up, without reacting to each wave, because they will pass. By tuning into your body and staying curious, you create space between the trigger and your response. That space is where confidence, clarity, and calm can exist.
You are not your triggers: When you're triggered, it can feel like your whole body is on high alert. Take a moment to pause, step away if needed, and breathe. This gives your body space to settle and helps you come back to calm.
How can I hold back and not get angry when triggered?
When you feel a strong emotional reaction coming, pause and take a breath. If you can, step away for a moment.
Ask yourself:
Is this really about now? Or is it stirring up something deeper inside me?
Often, the same wounds and stories are being triggered—like “I’m not good enough.” But you can challenge that story with: “I am enough.”
“If it's hysterical, it's historical.” — Virginia Satir
If our emotional reactions feel extreme or overwhelming (“hysterical”), they often come from past experiences (“historical”)—old wounds or memories that still affect us today.
It reminds us that our intense responses aren’t just about what’s happening now, but are tied to deeper, unresolved pain.
Witnessing our thoughts and feelings (seeing them without reacting unconsciously) can allow us to understand what’s really going on inside.
This can help break the cycle of repeating the same old reactions, gently exploring our wounds and triggers rather than being controlled by them.
How can I be a witness to thoughts (not believing every thought that comes into my head)?
Daniel Siegel’s concept of integration helps with this. By connecting different parts of ourselves - our thoughts, feelings and body - in a balanced way, we can see our thoughts and feelings aren’t our whole identity.
This differentiates thoughts, feelings and the body, and then links back to a more flexible sense of self. When we’re overwhelmed or stuck, we can lightly go back to being more integrated, regulating emotions better, and responding to stress calmly because we’re not just our thoughts, our feelings or our body:
“Integration—the linking of differentiated parts—is the basis for optimal regulation that enables us to flow between chaos and rigidity.”
— Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight (2010)
How can I accept struggle rather than fight against it?
Life's tough – triggering, stressful, and overwhelming. The goal isn't instant bliss, but to slowly get better at noticing triggers, responding calmly, and healing your core wounds.
“The willingness to be with things as they are opens the door to real change,” Kabat-Zinn
It's about accepting, "This is how it is right now, and that's okay." You're not approving of a bad situation, just acknowledging reality. This acceptance frees up energy from fighting emotions, allowing you to find lighter, more flexible ways to live.
Sources
Baraz, J. (2018). In M. Greenberg, 25 Inspirational Quotes about Mindfulness. Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. https://drmelaniegreenberg.com/25-inspirational-quotes-mindfulness/
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living. Dell Publishing.
Nicastro, R. (2024). Childhood Wounds and the Legacy of Shame. Retrieved from https://richardnicastro.com/2024/01/02/childhood-wounds-and-the-legacy-of-shame/
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