Messy May: Ease anxiety & take imperfect action
Perfectionism often shows up with anxiety, especially in OCD. We tell ourselves being perfect will protect us from discomfort, uncertainty, or judgment—but chasing perfection usually creates more stress and guilt. Thoughts like “I have to do it perfectly or not at all” feed procrastination and waiting for the “right time.” The key? Start small, messy, and scared. Here are a few ways to take imperfect action—even when it feels scary. (1.5.25.)
What is your experience of anxiety and perfection?
Being a new-ish mom (my little one turns 2 in June), I’ve felt the pressure to be perfect, and I often felt like I was falling short. I swing between anxious overdoing and then crashing into guilt when I can’t keep up. I’ve been trying to let go of all-or-nothing thinking and find the grey in between. Even if I only move 1% toward a goal, I’m learning to see that as progress, not failure.
This is deeply uncomfortable for a perfectionist because 1% is seen as pitiful and not 100% perfect. Depending on your season of life, finishing every task and goal in a perfect way is sometimes not sustainable —this is where messy imperfect action comes in.
Are anxiety and perfectionism linked?
Anxiety—like overthinking or catastrophising is—is often linked to perfectionism. A study (2016) on students found that traits like fear of mistakes, high personal standards, and parental pressure were tied to anxiety sensitivity. Perfectionism can fuel worry because of the fear of falling short.
When you set unrealistic expectations or feel a constant need to appear "together" to others, it creates chronic stress and self-doubt. This pressure to meet high standards—often driven by fear of failure or judgment—can lead to anxiety, avoidance, low self-worth, and isolation. People with conditions like OCD, social anxiety, or panic disorder often experience this cycle more intensely.
What does taking “imperfect action” mean?
Imperfect action means starting, even if it’s messy. When you focus on progress over perfection, you move forward instead of getting stuck in fear. Messiness makes room for learning, growth, and trying again, without the pressure to get it right the first time.
Allowing for slowness and stuckness means a perfectionist can continue even when there’s a strong reaction to quit or avoid a task. Starting, repeating, and doing things better next time is a healthier process than immediately demanding 100% excellence.
How do I handle the urge to be perfect when I can’t tolerate uncertainty?
The need to do things 100% right gives perfectionists a sense of control, avoiding the unknown because they try hard to avoid shame, anxiety and criticism that is believed to come with “failure.”
The trick is to value progress (however small), stepping outside of comfort zones, and learning new skills, instead of polished results (what looks good). An easy way to start is to dive in (without overthinking) and put a timer on, giving a sense of urgency to just get something done (any progress is good).
How can I take action when anxiety tells me to wait?
The key insight is to notice anxious thoughts when they occur. These can sound like, “I’m not ready,” or “I’ll just make a plan first,” or “I’ll do it when I feel more confident.” Recognise these anxious thoughts as avoidance and procrastination of what feels hard or heavy.
Traits of perfectionism are: needing validation, fearing criticism, black-or-white thinking, hiding work until it’s perfect, shame around mistakes, constant self-doubt, and procrastination (seen as “getting ready”).
Tara Mohr in Playing Big mentions that to unhook from praise and fear of criticism, we have to be comfortable with creating a messy first draft. By starting before we feel ready, we can start to take leaps forward:
“A leap is an immediate, experimental, simple act—the exact opposite of the overplanned, overthought, perfectionist action so many brilliant women are most comfortable taking.”
Messy action: How can exposure & experimentation help?
When we’re anxious, we avoid what is new, difficult or a trigger for possible failure and criticism. Instead of stalling or avoiding the task, clarify what exactly brings you anxiety (is it filling out the form, networking, selling your product or simply learning new skills?). Brainstorm tiny actions you can take (break down the task).
By exposing yourself to the scary task or situation (do this in small doses), the perceived threat/danger becomes less scary. Stay with the discomfort and know it will lessen, the more you normalise touching the scary task. Instead of demanding perfection, tell yourself, any progress is a step forward.
Repeat this scary exposure often and practice building up your tolerance to discomfort. Know when you’re making excuses, procrastinating, or stalling. There is no need to shame yourself, but being honest with yourself allows you to return to the scary task when you’ve got the energy and time.
Let struggle, slowness, and discomfort be part of the process of learning. In the short term it can be deeply uncomfortable but know that it lessens with practice (similar to learning to play an instrument - it sound random at first until patterns emerge and music is learnt). Connect discomfort to process and long-term freedom to be more creative. The key is experimentation
What easy embodiment ritual can I try to ease anxiety?
An embodiment ritual is a small intentional practice that connects you with your body, breath and inner awareness. This shifts emotional states, going from head to heart —in grounded, present moment actions. It’s like a reset system for your nervous system that says, “I’m safe. I can begin. I don’t need to be perfect.”
Simple embodiment rituals:
Walk and talk: Walk and voice record your process, plan or brainstorm. Pace and plan, and express any fears and doubts
Avoidance: Notice what you’ve been avoiding → Sense where anxiety lives in your body → Imagine anxiety fading, inviting action
5-second rule: Hesitating? Count down “5-4-3-2-1” and move your body toward the task before the brain talks you out of it
Success loop task: In under 5 minutes, tidy one area like a desk and feel the dopamine hit once done → Repeat simple visible tasks
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