Anxiety: How do I overcome resistance to change?
Resistance often shows up as anxiety and fear of failure — it’s the mind’s way of trying to protect us from discomfort. We stay in old patterns to avoid perceived threats, as it’s “safe,” giving us the illusion of control. Anxiety magnifies worst-cast scenarios, making the fear of failing even bigger than it is. So, how exactly can we overcome the resistance to change? (28.4.25.)
What is resistance?
Ever try to change a habit, like eating better or facing a fear, and feel stuck? That’s resistance. Part of you wants to grow, but another part feels safer staying the same.
Sometimes, we avoid goals like getting up earlier because they protect us from the fear of failing. To stay the same feels good in the short-term, but in the long-term, it' feeds anxiety and self-doubt.
The way out? Face what scares you in small, safe steps. That’s exposure. It teaches your brain it’s not as scary as it feels. The more you do it, the less power the fear has.
Tiny steps, over time, add up to small, significant changes.
Why do we feel resistance when anxious?
When we get anxious, we often try to avoid triggers, thoughts or sensations that remind us of our fears. Hypervigilance is an attempt to predict dangers, suppressing and escaping them, getting back to safety.
When anxious, we engage with safety seeking, avoiding resistance (or what is challenging). Not wanting to experience stress, worry and panic and negative thoughts is normal. When facing something new and hard our natural reaction is to instinctively resist it, looking for ways to avoid it.
Resistance happens when we think, “I must avoid feeling this worried and anxious feeling.” Unwanted internal experiences ensure that anxiety continues to grow. Even though it may feel initially scary, when we surrender to the uncomfortable feeling, learn how to overcome our fears, resistance lessens and we begin to grow in resilience.
What are some ways to overcome resistance?
Mindful acceptance
Sometimes when we're anxious or stuck in negative thoughts, we try to fight or fix them, but that can make things worse. It’s like panicking in deep water: struggling just makes us sink faster.
Mindful acceptance means letting those thoughts and feelings be there without panicking or pushing them away. It’s like saying, “Hey, I see you,” instead of battling them. That way, they pass more easily, and we stay calmer.
Instead of judging ourselves—“Ugh, I didn’t do enough today, I’m useless”—we can notice the thought, call it out as a story, and remind ourselves, “I am enough.”
Being kind to ourselves gives us space to respond instead of spiralling. When we stop resisting what is, we can more easily find a path forward.
Face fear
When something makes us anxious, our instinct is to avoid it—but that keeps the fear alive. The trick is to face it bit by bit.
Start small: write down what scares you, then gently challenge yourself with little steps every day. Over time, what used to scare you will start to feel more normal.
It’s like building a fear muscle—the more you face it, the stronger and more confident you feel.
The key is to stay with the anxiety, even when you want to run. That panicky feeling? It passes eventually.
Act now
Anxiety shows up when your body’s stressed—even if nothing’s wrong. Your heart races, your breathing changes, and your mind tries to fix it by overthinking.
A lot of anxiety comes from being stuck in the past or worrying about the future. An antidote to overthinking is staying present in the now and taking imperfect action (without the need for perfect results).
To go from head to heart, begin by noticing your breath, keeping your feet on the floor. Ask, “What is happening right now?” This challenges the idea that “everything is wrong.”
Anxiety is your body’s way of saying, “something is off.” Pause and check in by asking, “What do I need?” Perhaps it’s a pause, rest, a sense of connection. Or maybe it’s doing what you’ve been avoiding.
When stressed or overwhelmed, it’s natural to try to avoid or escape the moment. The more we can build healthy coping mechanisms, the more we can build emotional resilience.
What are healthy coping strategies for anxiety?
Here are a few mindful tools for challenging anxiety and panic:
Name the Sensation: Instead of saying "I'm anxious," say "I'm feeling tightness in my chest" or "My stomach feels fluttery." This grounds you in the body and lowers emotional overwhelm.
1 minute of curiosity: Time one minute, and instead of avoiding anxiety, get curious. See where you feel anxious in your body, and what thoughts come up.
Safe box: Fill a small box with sensory items that calm you—soft fabric, lavender oil, a grounding quote. Use it during anxious moments.
Shake it up: Write with your non-dominant hand, shake your body, go for a walk somewhere new. Novelty can reset the brain.
Affirmation: Say an affirmation about how you’d love to feel (not how you feel currently). E.g., “I’d love to feel calm and confident now.”
How can I override avoidance and be more productive?
It’s normal to feel anxious, and still move forward. It can be overwhelming when emotions take over, but starting with something simple like grounding yourself in your strengths can really help.
Remind yourself of everything you’ve already overcome. This brings a sense of power and capability.
One thing that helps is imagining yourself finishing the task. Picture how proud and confident you’ll feel once it's done. Just thinking about that feeling can make it feel less scary and trick your mind into thinking it’s already done.
And when you notice resistance or fear, name it out loud: “I’m scared I won’t do it perfectly.” This helps separate the fear from the task itself. Once you name it, you’ll see it for what it is—just a thought, not a real obstacle.
What’s an embodied approach to shifting resistance and anxiety?
Taking embodied, mindful action is better than getting lost in our thoughts because it grounds us in the present moment and connects us to our body.
When we focus on physical movement or sensations, like walking, stretching, or even just feeling our feet on the ground, we shift from overthinking to simply experiencing. This helps reduce anxiety, as it pulls us away from spiralling thoughts about the past or future.
Embodied action engages our senses, making it easier to take control of our actions rather than letting our thoughts control us. Just focusing on one minute of movement into action (cleaning, writing, doing) can get us engaging our whole body (not getting lost in thoughts).
What did Freud say about resistance to change?
In his view, resistance isn’t just laziness—it’s a defence mechanism that helps us avoid facing deeper fears, shame, or past wounds that we may not even realise we’re carrying.
It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism and the mind’s way of saying, “No, too scary. Not going there.” Even if the change is good, the unconscious sees it as a threat to emotional safety.
Freud believed therapy and making the the unconscious, conscious was a healthy way for us to explore blind spots and emotional blocks. Self-reflection allows for us to discover patterns, slips and bad habits.
By clarifying hidden fears we can learn to work with them and not against them.
Common phrases that show we’re resisting change:
"I’ve tried everything, and nothing works."
→ This often masks frustration and helplessness, but can block openness to trying again
"I know I should, but..."
→ The word “should” hints at inner conflict—wanting change, but feeling guilt or overwhelm to start"Now’s not a good time."
→ This sounds reasonable, but it often hides avoidance or fear of stepping into discomfort.
What are some phrases that allow me to be more open to change?
It’s natural to feel anxious or worried when trying something new. Your mind will tell you negative stories and feed your self-doubt. So, what can we tell ourselves when anxiety strikes?
Phrases that help us break barriers:
It's ok to feel scared, and still take a small step
Discomfort and struggle isn’t bad - it shows I’m stretching
I can begin and let it be messy
This fear doesn’t control me - if I do this 100 times, this fear will lose its power
I focus on only getting it done
Where does resistance (anxious feelings or stuckness) show up in the body?
When we’re resisting doing something we need to do, this shows up as “stuckness.” Our body may feel tight and heavy.
We may feel a sense of dread and panic. Swap freeze mode to action through embodied practices like noticing where anxiety shows up.
Perhaps your chest feels pressured, and you’re breathing in a shallow way. Or your stomach is in knots. Or your neck holds tension, bearing a sense of heaviness.
Start to notice when you get stuck and create a mindful ritual for breaking resistance. Move into action when you get the urge to quit by doing something you enjoy - light a candle, sip your favourite drink, or write a quote to signal you’ll get through this struggle.
Equally, you might have an easy visualisation - imagining the task done quickly, easily, and with a lightness, feeling great once it’s accomplished. Picture yourself relieved, proud, confident and strong. Only focus on this as you begin to move towards this.
Or pattern interrupt anxious thoughts by doing something random like clicking your fingers, rolling your eyes, or tapping your forehead. It instantly gets you into your body and away from overthinking.
When I want to avoid something hard, how can I do it anyway?
This is similar to practicing witnessing emotions, stepping back from overwhelm - noticing thoughts, feelings and bad habits, accepting any hard emotions.
This is not the same thing as giving up. Acceptance is knowing that you’re struggling in the moment, choosing another path. When you “fail” and fall into bad habits, instead of berating yourself, find kind and supportive words to get back on track.
And finally, breathe into finishing the task. Imagine how you’ll breathe a sigh of deep relief once the email is sent, the presentation is done. Visualise how you’ll celebrate this small win.