Simple NLP tools to shift anxiety to agency
Lately, I’ve been feeling anxious. I have an urgent desire to do more, yet I play small (perhaps because it’s familiar). Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is helping me to get unstuck. Here’s how I’m challenging myself with messy action. (24.4.25.)
What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming?
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s, explores how language, thoughts, and words shape our experiences.
NLP is often called the study of success because it looks at how successful people think, talk and behave —breaking down these patterns so others can follow them.
In NLP, by learning to talk to your subconscious mind, you can update old mental programs, helping break bad habits and negativity to reach goals faster.
Richard Bandler (co-creator of NLP) said, “Change happens instantly, the moment you are truly committed”, which reinforces the idea that change comes when one takes decisive action:
“When you can see just how easy change can be, you can begin to take control over your life and make all the changes you want—but you need to take the action,” Richard Bandler, Get the Life You Want
One simple way to apply NLP is to “act as if.” Anxiety is similar to excitement. Switching one emotion for another can bring better results. Switching stress for self-belief and success can connect one feeling to another state.
By imagining different states and feelings, we’re leaning into new ways of being. For example, if you’re procrastinating on what needs to be done, instead of berating yourself, feel how proud you’d feel when it’s done. Swap “I’m lazy” to “I’m doing it anyway.”
5 Key Components to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
🗺️ Change your map of reality
By making small mental shifts using reframing or anchoring, we can start to find a more balanced view (lessening fear and negativity).
Afformation: Why is it so easy to see my fears for what they are (false evidence appearing real)?
🧘 Think it, feel it, say it, do it - a holistic process
Our thoughts, feelings, words and habits are connected holistically. Just shifting one part can influence the whole system.
For example, reframing “I procrastinate so I’m a loser” to “I procrastinate and I’m learning to stop” is a softer, more empowering way to lessen panic to calm action.
Switching from black-and-white thinking to grey thinking (finding the nuance and pockets of opportunity) allows for more supportive ways of thinking.
Afformation: Why is it so easy for me to think in grey and stay calm and logical?
⚡Connect to your inner resources
NLP believes we already have the inner resources and power inside of us. For example, whether we’re looking for calm, confidence, motivation or creativity —it already lives within us. We just need to access these strengths, gifts and qualities, making full use of them.
Our bad habits and negative thinking are often learned patterns, not fixed ways of being. They can be unlearned by practising opposite habits, self-talk, movement and shifting to more positive thinking.
A quick way to activate motivation is to use future pacing.
This is mentally rehearsing success now so you can practice feelings of success, finishing, feeling proud and confident, increasing urgency and action (lessening self-doubt).
Afformation: Why is it so easy to see my success so clearly right now?
💬Talking is the response and result we get
Talking is the meaning others take away from what we say. It’s the response and result we get from our words. Communication is not just what we say, it’s what the other person hears, feels and does.
For example, when we say to someone, “try harder,” each person may hear this differently. For someone with low self-worth, they can feel shamed because they may need a more supportive approach.
We must listen to feedback and adjust how we speak to each individual.
Afformation: Why do I naturally focus on the response, not just the words, and connect with ease?
🌊 Our habits are adaptable
"Creative geniuses are: 1. Comfortable with uncertainty; 2. Able to hold seeming opposites or paradoxes; 3. Persistent" - John Grinder
In NLP, you’re never stuck with anxious habits. You’re just running an old familiar program, and you have the power to update these patterns.
You’re not your habits, fears, or reactions. Your behaviours are something you do, and anything you do can be changed and done differently, no matter how ingrained the habit is.
If you’re often anxious, you might doubt yourself or freeze and avoid taking action. These responses can be unlearned by choosing and practising a new response.
Flexibility is freedom, and failure is feedback. If something isn’t working, there’s an opportunity to try new and better ways.
Daily shifts for anxiety
Swish pattern (for anxious looping thoughts)
“Swish” refers to “switch fast,” or a quick, powerful mental shift from an unwanted thought or feeling to a new, empowering one. It’s similar to mentally swiping away anxious or negative images and replacing them instantly with a positive one.
“Swish” is also the sound (similar to “whoosh”) symbolising quickly flipping our internal mental picture, from self-doubt to confidence.
For example:
You see yourself freezing and avoiding doing something difficult (anxious image).
You instantly swish to a bright, powerful image of you getting the task done (feeling proud).
The brain starts linking finishing with success instead of fear (results-oriented).
Afformation: Why is it so easy for me to swipe away doubts and lock into my highest self?
Easy reframes (for negativity)
You don’t change an event or result —you change how you see it. In NLP, reframing turns anxiety from a block into a bridge toward action. You start to see challenges differently → you feel differently → you do differently.
Quick reframes for anxious avoidance:
1. "I'm scared I’ll fail." → Reframe:
👉 "If I fail, it means I'm learning and getting closer to success."
💛 Action: Start anyway — treat each action as a step forward.
2. "I'm not ready yet." → Reframe:
👉 "Starting is how I get ready."
💛 Action: Take one tiny action today, even if it’s messy. Focus on progress, not perfection.
3. "I’m overwhelmed by everything I have to do." → Reframe:
👉 "I only need to do the next small thing right now."
💛 Action: Break your task into the next 10-minute step — that’s all.
Afformation: Why is it so easy for me to find solutions instead of staying stuck?
Anchoring: Finding my happy place when in panic mode
Anchoring is creating a positive trigger through touch, words, or gestures, that instantly puts you into a powerfully high-energy state of calm, focus or confidence.
It’s having a good feeling in your back pocket and loading it up when you’re in a state of overwhelm or procrastination.
For example, when overwhelmed, we often shut down, freezing or avoiding what we need to do.
Instead, choose a powerful state that you’d like to feel (e.g., confident, energised, motivated).
Put your finger and thumb together, close your eyes, and remember a powerful memory where you were energised. Increase the volume, colour, and intensity until it’s in the front of your mind. Anchor and ground this confidence into your whole body so you feel it, know it, and act on it.
Squeeze your thumb and middle finger together to anchor this high-energy feeling into your whole body so confidence flows from head to toe.
Test it later when you’re procrastinating. Put your thumb and middle finger together using a word such as “Confidence” to fire up that feeling, overriding freeze to freedom.
Anchoring helps you choose your state instead of being controlled by overwhelm or fear. You train your brain to switch gears fast.
Overwhelmed by the long to-do list? Fire your anchor (squeeze fingers) → Feel focused and calm → Start with one small action.
Afformation: Why is it so easy for me to find strength inside me right now?
Personal reflection: Using these NLP tools for anxiety
Anxiety’s been with me for a long time. Since becoming a mom, some old insecurities have gotten louder — some days I get caught up in self-doubt, comparing myself to other moms who seem to do it all. I ask myself, "Why can’t I get as much done?"
When I’m busy, it’s like there’s no space to step back and catch those fast, negative thoughts. I’m inside the doubt and worry, spinning on the hamster wheel instead of being able to hit pause and see negativity for what it is.
That’s why I’m challenging myself to shift negativity. Instead of black-and-white thinking like "I have no time," I’m reminding myself — five minutes is enough. Even a tiny start counts. Even if I don’t finish something, it’s still a building block (and that's a win).
I’m drawn to NLP because it seems more directive — more about finding simple steps forward rather than just sitting with the questions.
Life’s busy, and I want tools, not just more reflection. I don’t believe in magic answers, but if a few small tools can help me catch self-doubt, stop avoiding things, and build myself up — that’s what I need right now.
Motherhood isn’t about doing it all perfectly — it’s about asking, "What can I do today to lift myself up, not tear myself down?"
Anxiety: meaning making and writing a new story
When I don’t do something, I create a story that I’m lazy and a failure because I’ve “failed” to get the task done. I then find lots of examples from my past that reaffirm my negative belief that I’m lazy.
By understanding how we create stories out of something small, we can try to challenge anxious thoughts.
When we catch ourselves, we can start asking:
👉 "What story am I telling myself?"
👉 "What’s the real, objective truth underneath it?"
When we look for the objective truth of what is really happening (not the meaning or interpretation of what is happening), then we start to step out of our stories our anxious mind creates.
Seeing situations more rationally can help see the situation for what it is —neither good or bad, it just is. This lets us create a new story that can support and empower us.
Afformation: Why is it so natural for me to stay grounded and see the truth, not the fearful story?
Anxiety: the antidote is being here now
Be here now means noticing what’s real in this moment, not getting lost in our head, worrying about the future.
As Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now, mentions, “Nothing ever happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now.”
Your body is always present; it’s your best anchor. When anxiety creeps in, physically grab your arms or touch something solid to ground yourself.
Ask yourself: "Is there a real problem or am I creating a problem?"
Afformation: Why is it so easy for me to stay grounded in the now and trust this moment?