Getting in the boat: How accepting anxiety helps you move through it
Anxiety asks, “What if I fail?” So we avoid what matters. Avoidance brings short-term relief, but over time, it fuels fear and self-doubt. And yet, we can learn how to work with anxiety and feelings of discomfort. In therapy, we call this “getting in the boat,” and moving forward. So, how can we face anxiety (rather than run away from it)? (16.5.25).
Where does "Getting in the boat" come from?
When I get anxious, my body races with “What if?” thoughts. My body freezes, and even the smallest step seems overwhelming. In therapy, an easy metaphor that helps us move forward when we’re anxious is “Getting in the boat.”
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), founder Steven C. Hayes (1948) uses “Getting in the boat” to show how embracing challenges (rather than avoiding them) can help us to accept difficult thoughts and feelings. By committing to aligned actions, we can act, even when we’re afraid.
He suggests we focus on what we want and not get stuck in challenging emotions (Hayes, 2005):
It’s about staying in the boat through storms and setbacks. Instead of waiting to feel ready, I keep paddling. Fear will be there. And yet, by showing up and taking action anyway, I can build emotional resilience and strength.
Writing and resisting the urge to abandon ship
Writers also use the metaphor to encourage others to stay focused on the writing process.
In her book 1000 Words: A Writer's Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round, Jami Attenberg states:
When I feel like making excuses or avoiding discomfort, I practice staying with the anxiety instead. The uneasy feeling is still there, but I don’t run. And what I’m learning is: nothing terrible happens. By staying in the boat, slow but steady progress can be made.
Anxiety and the fear response
When I get anxious, my brain goes into the stress response (fight-flight-freeze-fawn). The amygdala (the brain's fear centre) then signals “Danger!” even when the threat isn’t real.
In ancient times, this would be useful if I were running from a tiger. Now, in modern times, doing my long to-do list doesn’t need the same stress response. Still, my heart races, muscles tighten, and thoughts spiral as if the tiger were real.
I often wait until fear fades before I act. This is a mistake because anxiety usually doesn’t fade on its own. The more I avoid what scares me, the more power fear has over me.
“Getting in the boat” helps to interrupt the cycle. I send my brain a new message: “I can handle hard things.” “I can find a way.” “I can do it.” This rewires a new response to doubt and fear.
Stay with the fear and accept it
When I hear others say, “accept anxiety” or “forgive others,” I get confused. How can I accept anxiety and forgive others who have hurt me? The natural reaction is to fight anxiety and resent those who have wronged me.
Carl Jung (1875-1961) said:
Make it stand out
Accepting our past without judgment is the first step to growth. We can't change what happened, but we can say, "It happened, I learned from it, and now I choose to move on."
Acceptance isn’t about giving in and being weak. It’s about releasing the need for 100% control. Some things can’t be controlled, and that’s ok. Surrendering to what life is right now is sometimes the only option.
Letting go of what is tying you down in frustration can be liberating, as old stories and critical voices get released.
Fear is my friend
Fear is a protective part of us that wants to keep us safe. What makes us anxious is often a negative experience in the past that caused us harm and hurt.
For example, speaking up as a child brought me detention and public shame at school, so I learnt to stay quiet. Today, speaking with new people still gives me anxiety. And yet, when I make friends with this anxiety, I can get curious. Where did this story come from?
When anxiety strikes and becomes a passenger on our journey, we can try to argue with it, kick it out, or focus on where we’re going.
Instead of ignoring anxiety or saying, “I shouldn’t feel anxious” (adding shame on top of fear), we can say:
“Fear is here. I can feel it and still choose to take action.”
Next time I feel anxious, I don’t need to ignore it. Fear is just trying to protect me. I can choose to face what scares me, to show myself it’s not as dangerous as it feels. That’s how I build emotional resilience, by doing the hard things, one step at a time.
Making friends with fear looks like:
1. Name it: “I’m scared to try something new.”
2. Breathe: “If I fail, I’ll learn from it.”
3. Make space: “I feel anxious, and that’s okay.”
Taking scary action (even when you don’t want to)
Getting in the boat means being willing to face fears and keep going. It’s about accepting the ups and downs and focusing on showing up, one paddle after another.
Final thoughts
Anxiety is normal. It shows you care and that something matters. And yet, anxiety can keep us trapped in fear and self-doubt, always asking permission before we start.
Getting in the boat is moving towards a goal, even when it’s scary. I’m not waiting for my nervous system to feel ready or safe before I act. I accept there will be panic, but I can ground myself and take the first messy step anyway.
Sources:
Attenberg, J. (2024). 1000 Words: A Writer's Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round. Simon Element.
Hayes, S. C. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications
Jung, C. G. (1933). Modern Man in Search of a Soul.
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