Motherhood: How to cope with identity shifts in career and beyond
Motherhood brings profound shifts in identity and career, often due to caregiving and the relentless mental load. Balancing work and life can feel like an impossible juggling act. I share how I’m navigating these changes and how organisation, embodiment practices and kind self-talk are helping me stay sane. [22.1.25.]
Key points
The "AND" tool has helped me embrace multiple roles (mother, partner, professional), expanding my role beyond “mother.”
Letting go of rigid expectations has allowed me to redefine success in my own terms.
Self-compassion and kind self-talk support a healthy “can-do” attitude, avoiding self-pity.
Motherhood: Shifts in identity and career
Since becoming a mother, the relentless invisible labour has left me drained and overwhelmed. I’ve tried writing lists on my phone, whiteboards, and diaries—but there’s nearly always something I forget.
The constant whirlwind of meal prep, baby groups, nursery runs, work, and cleaning keeps me stuck in survival mode, chasing short-term goals while my bigger dreams get lost. I’d love to “play big” — but where do I find the time or energy? Added to this, brain fog makes me forgetful and I need to focus to maintain a conversation.
Also, the shape of my career is ever-shifting. I work remotely but sometimes I look back at my office jobs and miss the easy banter with work colleagues, the structure to days and a place to go to work (creating work-life separation). Being at home has enmeshed all aspects of my life (work, life, baby and family) and I don’t sense any boundaries or divisions that I claim for myself.
The juggling act: How to stay sane while doing it all
I went to a toddler class at the local family centre today. I was chatting to a mom of two-year-old twins and she had a look of exasperation and utter exhaustion. I asked her how it was going and she answered:
“You just do what you can don’t you? I keep writing things down on paper and do the same thing until it becomes easier. There’s no way out but through as they say.”
Being a new mom comes with exhaustion, brain fog, overwhelm, and more. Connecting with other moms at community events can remind you that you’re not alone. Motherhood is a learning process, not about being perfect. Some days you accomplish a lot, and other days interruptions take over—but maturity comes from giving yourself grace. Feeling disappointed is just a fleeting moment; it doesn’t define you as a mother.
The mother’s toolkit for staying organised (and sane)
Motherhood multitasking is a tricky, but a few strategies have kept me sane. Every morning, I brain-dump my thoughts and to-dos on paper, then pick 1-3 tasks to focus on. Once those are done, I tackle the next few, avoiding overwhelm.
I also gamify chores with 25-minute Pomodoro timers to stay motivated and create urgency. It’s about progress, not perfection—letting go of the pressure to do it all.
Another lifesaver has been voice-memoing a trusted friend. Venting, sharing ideas, or brainstorming solutions with someone who gets it makes a world of difference. If these chats feel too emotional or one-sided, consider reaching out to a therapist for deeper support—friends can only take so much!
I’m finding that the more organised I’m becoming, the more space I have for me-time (and time to actually reflect and be myself again). A few ideas you may like to experiment with or introduce into your daily rituals are listed below.
The organised mother ideas:
Rotate Recipes: Keep a rotation of 5-7 meals you know well
Make Snack Stations: Organise grab-and-go snacks for kids
Batch Cook: Prepare multiple meals to store in the fridge/freezer
Use Pre-Chopped Veggies: Save time with pre-prepped ingredients
Keep a “Parking Lot” Notebook: Write random thoughts to revisit later
Weekly meal schedule: Put it somewhere you can see to avoid anxiety
Declutter in Small Bursts: Focus on one drawer or corner for 10 minutes daily
Practice Micro-Rest: Take 2-3 minutes to breathe, stretch, or rest between tasks
Set Up Drop Zones: Create designated spaces for keys, wallets, phones, baby bag etc
Whiteboard: Use as a reminder board: appointments/ food to buy/ special events etc
Create Morning and Evening Routines: Set consistent habits to start and end your day calmly
Days of the week: Create a weekly schedule and themes for the days, e.g. “change bedsheets Wednesday”
An embodied way to embrace motherhood (and changing identity)
Adjusting to motherhood has been a journey for me. It's easy to focus on mistakes and feel pressured to "do it all” (and perfectly), but I’m learning to trust that my identity is evolving naturally as my priorities shift. Practising mindfulness and staying present in my body helps me avoid going into "supermom mode," where I suppress anger and exhaustion until I explode (usually taking it out on my partner). Taking just a few minutes daily to check in with my feelings helps me process emotions before they build up.
The “AND” tool has also been a game-changer for me. I’m a mother AND a partner, friend, professional, daughter – I don’t have to choose. Letting go of rigid expectations has freed me to define success on my own terms. Yes, some parts of my identity have shifted, and I mourn the loss of carefree weekends, but what I've gained is priceless. My identity is evolving, and with that, I’m learning patience and self-compassion. Criticising myself doesn’t help me improve.
Self-compassion is speaking kindly to myself, affirming, “I can do this,” even when doubt creeps in. I am an imperfect human and with that, I accept that I will make mistakes on my motherhood journey.
I don’t need to lean into self-pity because the more I open up to mothers, the more I realise we’re all the same. All mothers face challenges and all mothers evolve and learn lifelong lessons they’ll carry in their hearts forever. And this gives me strength.