Listening to the Inner Mentor (not the Inner Critic)

How can we quiet the inner critic and start listening to our inner mentor—the supportive voice within? When mistakes happen, we tend to lean into harsh self-judgment, which only fuels self-doubt. Instead, how can we choose the kinder more compassionate thought? [26.10.24.]

Inner critic vs. Inner mentor

In the self-help book “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr she introduces the concept of the inner critic and inner mentor. These are two voices that come from deep within ourselves. The inner critic is a self-doubting voice that is fearful, harsh and negative. Often this voice keeps us safe from failure, rejection or embarrassment. It holds us back when we want to take a risk or try something new. It’s the perfectionist part of ourselves that keeps us firmly in our comfort zones.

Then there’s the inner mentor - the kind, compassionate voice that wants the best for us. This voice offers gentle encouragement, intuiton, and wisdom that listens to our deepest needs and desires and says, “go for it.” It’s the grounded part of ourselves that supports us and moves us towards fulfilling our potential. It helps us progress and take risks coming from a place of self-trust.

The main difference between the inner critic and inner mentor is that the inner critic is a fear-based way of thinking that keeps us small and away from taking risks; while the inner mentor provides wise, loving guidance to move us forward towards expansion. The inner critic speaks from anxiety and harshness, while the inner mentor speaks from self-trust and compassion (allowing for mistakes and failures).

What does my inner critic tell me?

Tara Mohr describes the inner critic as a “prison guard” that keeps us from taking risks or dreaming big. My inner critic often keeps me stuck in familiar tasks. For example, I set a goal to write ten blog posts in one month (about one every three days), but now I’m down to the last six days and haven’t started. Is it the inner critic, self-sabotage, or both? Talking to a friend today, I asked why I leave things to the last minute, and she shared she does the same—avoiding difficult tasks until the deadline looms. It seems procrastination is pretty common when something feels hard to start.

My inner critic says, “stick with what you know,” “the blog will take too much effort,” and “just do something fun.” Yet deep down, I want to write these blogs. Every time I set an inspiring goal, my head says “yes,” but my heart resists, wanting to stay cozy and relaxed. The inner critic is trying to keep me safe with the familiar but what is painful is that I know deep in my heart that I’m capable and I crave for more.

How can I listen to the inner mentor each day?

Tara Mohr describes the inner mentor as our wisest self—calm, authentic, and grounded in our deepest values. To hear this voice, we first need to quiet the inner critic, which often urges us to stick with what’s safe and familiar.

Connecting with the inner mentor takes intention. Instead of starting each day with a mental to-do list and the fear of dropping balls, we can pause, asking, “What’s the kinder, more supportive thought that moves me closer to my goals?”

As Viktor Frankl said:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

In this space, we find the freedom to respond mindfully, not reactively. By creating small moments for reflection, we can start choosing compassion over habit, and growth over survival mode.

In what ways can we connect to the inner mentor?

In “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr, she mentions:

“Connecting with your inner mentor is about listening to the voice of your future self, a version of you who has learned to trust her own wisdom.”

She states ways we can start to connect with the inner mentor:

🖤 Visualising your future self: picture yourself 10 or 20 years from now, embodying the qualities you admire—calm, wise, and fulfilled. Let this future self become your inner mentor

🖤 Asking for guidance: when facing a challenge, imagine what advice this future self would offer you

🖤 Tuning into intuition: set aside the immediate doubts of the inner critic and listen for the quieter, reassuring voice of your inner mentor

🖤 Practicing self-compassion: shift focus from the inner critic’s judgments to a supportive, constructive dialogue by imagining what your inner mentor would say

How can I start to use the inner mentor each day?

Instead of pressuring myself to connect with my inner mentor each day, I’m focusing on small, self-kindness habits to replace harsh self-talk. A simple note like, “I meet all challenges with patience—I can do it,” is a reminder to believe in myself, even when things get tough.

Other practices include creating a vision board of my 10-year future self: what do they wear, do for fun, or find fulfilling? Visual cues inspire our goals and give us daily reminders to integrate small pieces of that vision now, like trying on a new style or engaging in a new hobby.

Mistakes can become learning moments: instead of self-blame, I ask, “What am I learning?” This softens setbacks and helps me move forward without judgment. Equally, achieving a challenging goal can be broken down by asking new questions.

For example, writing 10 blogs in 6 days —instead of focusing on the heaviness of the “time and effort” it will take, I can reframe the task. I can ask, “in what ways can I make each blog raw and relatable?” By shifting my outlook, I can refresh my attitude and approach.