Kind self-talk: Calm the inner critic & negative thoughts (pt. 5)
How can we silence the inner critic and transform negative thoughts? I embrace kind self-talk, uncover the positive intentions behind my negativity, and use a powerful magic question to ignite hope, even when exhaustion sets in. [10.1.25.]
What you’ll learn:
How to challenge and reframe negative thoughts by understanding their positive intentions.
Practical tools to shift from survival mode to a mindset of freedom and possibility.
The power of kind self-talk and how it strengthens inner resilience, even during busy times.
My inner critic: the survival mindset
Today, I’m tired. The baby wakes frequently, throwing off my sleep cycle, and my inner critic tells me I’ll never escape survival mode. Motherhood feels like an endless list of tasks, and what once took an hour now takes three. At 2 a.m., I realized I forgot to cancel a playdate.
“How can I do this?” “I’m tired.” “This isn’t fair.” These thoughts swirl as I watch others without kids enjoy free time and productivity. Society isn’t built for mothers—you feel guilt working or frustration staying home. Balancing it all feels like constant trial and error.
When I spill milk, forget words, or miss deadlines, I believe “I’m failing at motherhood and life.” Therapeutic questions to ask are: “Is this story true?” and “What’s the more realistic thought?” However, when I’m tired my brain takes these negative thoughts as fact.
So, how can we calm the inner critic and challenge these negative thoughts?
Negative thoughts: What positive intentions do they have?
Many mistakenly believe negativity pushes laziness away, forcing us to change. While it might spark initial action, it rarely leads to lasting growth.
Today, my tired brain has been harsh on me, asking:
“Why can’t you write faster?”
To challenge this, I can ask myself: “What story am I telling myself?”
Balanced realistic thought
In this case, the story I tell myself is: “I’m slow”
while the balanced thought is: “I’d like to be quicker to achieve more.”
Once I can realise that even negative thoughts have a positive intention I can begin to be kinder to myself. I’m not used to challenging negative thoughts or asking more supportive questions that uplift me.
Our muscle memory for negative thoughts is strong, like a well-built muscle, while kind thoughts are often weak. Practicing kindness toward ourselves is a skill we can develop. Today, I’m committing to noticing the good, happy, and beautiful things in my life—things that don’t need fixing or completing. This way, not everything becomes an unfinished “to-do.”
“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.”
Today’s magic question
When I’m tired and I’m being mean to myself (telling myself I haven’t done enough) I’m going to stop and pause, taking a breath. I’ll reset and deeply feel in my body that “I am enough” in this moment (even with my flaws).
Today’s magic question is: "What can I do now to make tomorrow easier (while feeling good too)?”
Not everything has to be a struggle. In the rush to get it all done, I forget the beauty around me—the sky, my baby’s giggle. I want to shift from survival mode to a mindset of freedom and possibility. I’m learning to accept what is and isn’t in my control, letting go more of what doesn’t matter.
As a working mother, I may be busier now, but that doesn’t mean I have to be stressed or always behind. I can use kind self-talk to uplift me, challenging negative thoughts as they come —strengthening the muscle memory of hope.