Narrative therapy for low self-esteem
In times of crisis and transition we can often feel like a victim of circumstance. Narrative therapy moves us from victim to protagonist - looking at the stories we tell ourselves. How we create stories, narratives and find meaning from our daily life can elevate confidence and self-esteem.
What is narrative therapy?
Narrative therapy aims to externalise our problems onto the page. If we see ourselves as separate from our problems, we can use our skills, strengths and sense of purpose to move us forward.
Founded by Michael White and David Epston in the 1980s, narrative therapy had three main ideas:
(1) Take back the power: we are the experts
When we are in therapy we can see the therapist as an equal figure but we are always the expert of our own life. We can then explore our skills and strengths to change our problematic behaviours.
(2) Respect ourselves
Narrative therapy sees each person as deficient but not defective. We are enough and behave with dignity and respect as we move towards having more power over our personal choices.
(3) Accountability: Non-blame
We don’t blame ourselves or others for our problems. Instead, we see problems as part of life and growth. By not taking anything personally, we can divide our identity from our problems - seeing ourselves as whole, capable and adaptable. We learn about our negative thought patterns and work to improve them.
So how do we write a new story?
We often take a back seat to our lives, believing “this is just how life is.” Yet, like any good story, there are twists, turns, ups, downs, reflection points, catastrophes and high points. We can take back our lives by cultivating a new chapter.
Questions we can ask ourselves:
✍️ How can I navigate obstacles with lightness?
✍️ How can I see this problem as a chance to grow?
✍️ How can I see this challenge as an external issue (not something that is part of me)?
Writing as exploration
By writing our story we can explore our issues and the meaning we’ve applied to our situation. We can become an observer of our life story (not personalising mistakes and setbacks). By taking a step back we can be a witness to obstacles, working with a therapist to work with our past. New perspectives give us fresh insights to approach our lives more creatively.
Autonomy and alternative stories
We can often see our life in black-and-white terms (e.g. good/bad, successful/failure, happy/sad). Often we see u-turns as blocked endings rather than an opportunity to change direction and pivot. By asking ourselves, “How else can I see this?” or “What’s a better alternative ending?” we can find the beauty in non-linear journeys. Also, there is always more than one way to see a situation.
One step at a time
Our life story can often seem too big and fixed to change. Instead, by taking one step at a time, we can improve smaller aspects of our life (e.g. attitudes, beliefs, habits). By examining our childhood and adulthood stages, we can understand where our beliefs came from. Challenging “fixed” beliefs helps us find more emotional flexibility, allowing us to heal and grow.
Distance from our problems
By writing our life stories or issues, we become more distant from our problems. This is externalisation (we are not our problems, we are having problems). By seeing anxiety or depression as an external emotion (“Ms Anxiety/ Ms Depression”) we can see how emotions can take over us - finding solutions to become more empowered again.
Empowered narratives
Reality is shaped by our language, relationships, and interactions, with no single “real reality” or truth. Instead, each person defines their own reality, influenced by norms and ideas. Narrative therapy helps us rewrite our stories in ways that empower us, separating problems from our identity. By choosing positive, evolving narratives, we grow beyond our challenges and create a story that serves us.
How can narrative therapy help with low self-esteem?
When we go through big changes (such as becoming a parent, or losing a job or loved one) this can shake our sense of self. Our confidence and self-esteem are rattled. Narrative therapy allows us to find our voice and reconnect with our core values.
By becoming authorities in our own lives we grow self-trust, challenge old beliefs and create new beliefs, attitudes and meaning. We always have the chance to expand, but sometimes get caught up in automatic pilot living.
By being kind, supportive and accepting of our current reality, we can move past resistance to transform ourselves. Harsh, punishing self-talk rarely makes us more productive (although many of us have a noise inner critic).
Questions to ask:
✍️ What’s one gentle step you can take to move forward?
✍️ What strengths have helped you to overcome fear in the past?
✍️ How can you honour your feelings without letting them stop your progress?
Narrative therapy, journalling and challenging “the truth”
I love journaling, but it can become a cycle of venting, feeling stuck, and believing nothing will change. While it's cathartic, it’s also repetitive. Journaling teaches me to observe my thoughts without fully believing the stories I tell myself. Still, I sometimes long for a more exciting, escapist reality than recounting daily duties.
Motherhood shook up my identity. My career defined me, but motherhood didn’t feel “enough.” I often felt invisible, and my self-esteem dropped. Narrative therapy, like journaling, helped me reimagine my identity. If there's no single reality, we can be creative in how we define ourselves. Mothers aren’t just caretakers—they’re creators, magicians, and life-shapers.
“Isn’t this bending the truth?” you might ask. But if no truth is absolute, we can take control of our story by finding more expansive personal truths. Narrative therapy allows us to see problems as external, not defining us, and offers new perspectives and endings. It’s a practice of creativity and optimism. With time, we can rewrite our story to reflect our most expressive selves.
TL;DR
We are not our problems: We can separate our problems from who we are, rewriting stories to make new meanings.
Becoming our most powerful selves: By experimenting with new beliefs, alternative perspectives and more flexible ways of being - we release resistance and keep evolving.
Creative exploration: Writing is an exploration and discovery of self. By writing we can create new meanings, actively engaging in our magical metamorphosis. We can alchemise the past into gold.
✍️🌠 Journal prompt: If I could rewrite my life story from today, what would be the next chapter, and how would I navigate obstacles creatively?