Let it be easy: giving up the grind
“Let it be easy” means accepting your situation and flowing with life instead of forcing or resisting it. It’s not about making excuses but embracing flexibility. So why do we often mistake ease for laziness? I share my observations from chapter 10’s ‘Let It Be Easy’ of Playing Big by Tara Mohr [15.12.24.]
Tara Mohr’s Let It Be Easy chapter summary
As part of a slow reads book club (where we read a chapter a week) of Playing Big by Tara Mohr, we read the “Let It Be Easy” chapter this past week. As the phrase suggests, Mohr urges us to give up perfection and struggle. Instead, she asks us what it would be like if we approached challenges with curiosity, experimentation, and a sense of ease. By giving up rigid goals and expectations we’re free to ask what feels more natural and doable.
Embrace compassionate self-talk
In the same chapter, Tara Mohr shares a story about a woman who uses harsh self-talk to motivate herself, saying, "Get off your ass, you lazy bum!" Mohr suggests she try a gentler, more compassionate approach by asking, "What's wrong, honey?" instead. This example resonates because I often think being mean to myself will get results.
I used to believe that being kind to myself meant making excuses and avoiding hard work while listening to my inner drill sergeant would make me stronger. But harsh self-talk only leads to short-term productivity spikes, not sustainable success or self-esteem.
By moving away from black-and-white thinking—where kindness equals weakness and harshness equals results—we find a balanced, truthful approach that works. For example, the woman who calls herself lazy can check in with herself, “Am I really lazy or how am I feeling?” Perhaps she’s sad, tired, frustrated etc. Once she knows how she feels she can ask, “What do I need?” It takes a few more minutes to ask these questions but therein lies the truth.
Rather than label ourselves “lazy” ask:
How do I (really) feel?
What do I need?
Automate successful results
What I liked about this chapter is that it offered concrete suggestions, helping us “let it be easy” (or at least easier). Mohr asks us how we can make the desired action the default mode. As a mother, there are 1,000 tiny decisions and mini actions I have to take every day just to keep the house running.
Decision fatigue comes when I’m disorganised because every decision (“what’s for dinner?” “What do we need from the shops?” “What’s baby wearing today?”) has to be decided. These questions crowd my head leaving me burnt out before I even think about work. If we can automate and decide beforehand on these daily decisions, this will leave more space for creativity again.
Other ideas I found helpful are, finding a community or people who see the “larger emerging you.” This takes effort but surrounding ourselves with inspiring, motivated, and uplifting people will show us what is possible. Connected to this idea is asking ourselves, “What strengths and resources are already in our lives?” By planning to our strengths we use what’s innately within us. Also, using the resources we have (rather than constantly seeking new ones), saves energy and time and lets us appreciate what is already present.
Gift goals vs. should goals
Mohr introduces the idea of “gift goals vs. should goals” in this chapter. “Should goals” often feel heavy and pressured whereas “gift goals” are energising, inspiring and joyful. Making gift goals often takes a quick reframe but they are kind, and creative and make the process easier for us. She uses this example:
Instead of setting a traditional goal like “Launch a perfect, fully polished website in two weeks,” a gift goal might be: “Create a simple first version of my website and share it with a friend for feedback.”
Of course, not all goals can be fun but breaking the goal into doable steps and focusing on the bigger picture is a way to build motivation—pulling us toward our desired result.
Male vs. female language
What stood out to me was Tara Mohr’s nurturing, curious writing style. While not always the case, male self-help books often emphasize “rise and grind” with direct, absolutist language, while female authors lean toward “rise and shine,” focusing on emotions, flexibility, and the journey over the outcome.
I enjoy the concise, results-driven style of male self-help, but I also appreciate the more exploratory approach of female authors, which encourages me to redefine success and embrace the process. While it’s easier to follow a “here’s how you do it” guide I’m learning that self-help is at best a buffet of options I can select one or two processes. And yet, the best process is my own, listening to my inner voice (instead of seeking one quick fix from an author who doesn’t know my situation).
Let it be easy takeaways
In the book group, I shared that I want to stop thinking in black and white. Like the woman who calls herself lazy for not getting off the couch, I’d rather respond with kindness and curiosity—asking, “What’s holding you back?” or “What do you need?”
While black-and-white thinking feels easier, curiosity helps us plan flexibly, focus on solutions, and avoid self-criticism.
My observation about male and female writing styles (productivity vs. process) also lets me be more aware of how I speak to myself and others. I know it’s not as binary as having a male vs. female tone of voice but I can notice when I’m being overly harsh or sympathetic. Sometimes a more neutral voice is needed (not seeing a situation as good or bad but just “happening right now”).
In chapter 6, ‘Communicating with Power’ of Playing Big, Mohr says how we talk to ourselves and others often impacts our habits and actions. For example, saying “sorry” too much, using passive language and diminishing ideas signals we’re playing small. Simply seeing this and choosing to be clear, concise and authentic lets us act with confidence and play bigger.
Let It Be Easy journalling prompts from Playing Big:
"If this could be easy, how would it look?"
This helps you reimagine the process in a simpler, less pressured way.
"What would it look like to let this be easy?"
This invites creativity in identifying effortless steps to move forward.
"What if it could be fun?"
This question shifts your perspective, encouraging lightness and enjoyment in the process.
"What’s one small step I could take right now?"
This grounds the work in immediate, achievable action rather than overwhelm.