Letting go of the past
Letting go of the past includes forgiving people who wronged us, releasing any heaviness, and having hope for the future. And yet, it’s easier said than done. How do we let go of the past to move forward? [27.7.25.]
"𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝."
That's what one of my Angel cards said.
My friend loves to pull out Angel cards when she meets me. They're a fun way to add a little woo-woo to our evenings.
The next card was the heart chakra.
This is the energetic centre of love, compassion, connection and emotional openness.
It's giving off unconditional love even to those that annoy and frustrate you (still working on that one).
"𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘳𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘠𝘦𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘵 𝘫𝘰𝘺, 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘮'𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩" (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the drift).
𝐔𝐧𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐫𝐚 𝐢𝐬....
❤️ Learning to forgive (so others don't hold power over you)
❤️ Giving up grudges (because they're heavy)
❤️ Tidying up the past and letting go of it (because it's over)
The last card I pulled out was nurturance, which is giving yourself self-care so you don't deplete yourself.
Not looking after your own needs creates blocks and questions like:
"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦?"
"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘐'𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?" 𝘦𝘵𝘤.
Bitterness grows when we push past our limits and ignore healthy boundaries.
So, more self-care = less resentment = more energy
Once all three cards were pulled out my friend asked:
"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦?"
I sat there nonplussed.
Because I have a lot of emotional baggage (as we all do).
That baggage has wheels and a GPS tracker. Wherever I go, so does my emotional baggage.
Our emotional baggage comes from the past and all the things that hurt us.
It's not just what happened to us - it's also what we made those memories mean.
"𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘢𝘥", I told my friend.
A day later, I'm still unsure. Perhaps it's...
...the acceptance that we all hold weight from the past.
...being able to separate what went wrong from who we are. I.e. We aren't our mistakes.
...unloading shame (or what we once saw as shameful and uniquely ours to carry).
When I look back, what seemed like a disaster at the time was a learning curve, forcing me to stretch.
Letting go of the past is hard, and that’s the point. Life brings hurt, but we choose to keep loving. Keep believing it gets better, and it generally does.
This links with post-traumatic growth theory. Formed by Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun (mid-1990s)*, they believed that trauma can grow personal strength, deep relationships, greater appreciation for life, and expanded possibilities for meaning.
Disasters can force what they call “cognitive processing” (a rebuilding of understanding about yourself and the world). Resilience research also supports this idea by suggesting that our capacity to adapt to hardship is flexible.
Each time you overcome a difficulty, the brain’s stress response systems begin to rewire and build “psychological flexibility” (staying present with hard emotions while taking actions aligned with your values).
Perhaps when we begin to release the weight of the past, we create more space for possibilities. All the mistakes, failures and mini-traumas are there to expand our sense of capability if we don’t let the past define us.
💬 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 “𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐” 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖?
Sources:
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (1996). The Posttraumatic Growth Inventory: Measuring the positive legacy of trauma. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9(3), 455–471.