"Therapy Isn’t Working?” Or Is It Just Getting Real?

I’ve been in therapy for six months. It’s a safe space to share, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a loop—venting, then going back to old habits. Am I growing, or just going in circles? Should I quit, or am I resisting change? When therapy feels hard and like a chore, I soon ask, “Am I wasting my time in therapy?” Maybe it’s that I don’t feel heard in therapy. Here are common frustrations and easy solutions to move forward (5.6.25).

Common therapy frustrations

“Is therapy meant to feel this hard?” I ask myself. I still see my own therapist monthly, and I’m already dreading tomorrow’s session. What makes it tough? Being vulnerable, not always trusting the process, and not having a clear therapeutic direction. It’s like we’re talking in circles and stuck in analysis paralysis.

Here are a few common frustrations that might sound familiar…

Focused on the past: “Why do we talk about the painful past?”

When therapy digs into painful memories, it can reveal deep emotional patterns, like my need to be perfect or please others to feel safe. But it’s frustrating when heavy stuff comes up and the session ends with no clear “what now?” It makes me wonder: How does going through my pain help with my present?

Not practical: "I’m still triggered”
In therapy, you dissect your common emotional patterns and are self-aware. After a session, when stress hits, “boom!” I’m back to repeating old patterns (triggered much?) How can I integrate what I learn in the real world?

Feelings focused: "How does that make you feel?”
Why must everything require feeling so much? I explain that a hard thing happened, and immediately, I know what’s coming. “And how does that feel?” “Sometimes nothing.” “And how does that make you feel?” “Bad?!”

Limits of therapeutic models: "Where do you feel that in your body?”

Each therapist uses a unique model and school of thought. My therapist uses body therapy (accessing bodily felt-sense). Sometimes the theory gets in front of our connection because I’m treated like a patient they’re “healing.” When tools become more important than the bond, then the client can mentally check-out.

Slow progress in therapy: “Where’s the change?”

I understand my issues, patterns, triggers, etc, but how do you make real change in my daily life? Self-awareness is useful, but why can’t I see real progress (being more mindful with my baby, being more focused/ organised with work and baby life)? The slowness is making me impatient.

Lack of understanding: “Do you get me?”

Connecting and being seen, heard and understood is rare. Sometimes I don’t think my therapist truly “gets” me. When there’s a lack of trust and safety, I can feel misunderstood and frustrated in the therapy process. Self-censorship happens where I plan to be misunderstood, so I subconsciously hold back. Feeling misread is a red flag because there’s no sense of validation needed for growth.

Applying theory to practice: “How can I use these insights?”

I understand certain therapy concepts like responding rather reacting to triggering situations (take three breaths etc.), but often revert to panic. How do I apply theory to practice? The ideal setting in therapy versus the real-life s*it show is wide. In therapy, there’s a lack of tangible wins and accountability to see these emotional blocks shifted.

Addressing frustrations and finding solutions

Open Communication with Your Therapist: It's crucial to express your concerns, frustrations, or what you feel isn't working directly to your therapist. This allows them to adjust their approach.

Be patient and persistent: Therapy takes time, and change doesn’t happen quickly. Keep searching for the silver linings and small wins. Therapy may need to be combined with other modalities like exercise, nutrition, meditation, coaching, breathwork, journaling, etc. It’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, and you need to be active and experiment in your healing journey.

Therapy takes time

While patience is crucial, don't be passive. You, as the client, can self-advocate for your needs, set your own goals, and speak up if something isn't working—even if it means seeking new tools, solutions, or a different therapist.

Book a free 30-minute therapy call here.

#therapyproblems #onlinecounseling #frustratedwiththerapy #virtualtherapywoes #zoomfatigue #emotionaloverload #notfeelingheard #whyamihere #therapyfrustrations #slowprogress #processingfatigue #ventingnothealing #isthisworking #mentalhealthstruggles #talkinginloops #therapydoubt #healingisntlinear