Life transitions: anxiety & the benefits of change
Life transitions bring up anxious thoughts, self-doubt and feelings of a lack of control. Here are a few reminders of the benefits of change.
Transition anxiety
Big and small life transitions can bring stress, anxiety and worry. Whether it’s a personal, professional or social change, these changes are anxiety-inducing since they involve the unknown. Some questions can include:
What will I gain and lose in this process?
When will I get this done?
Why is this happening?
What will happen?
How will I do it?
What if I fail?
The reason why life transitions cause anxiety is that we’re wired to feel safe and secure. Changing and deviating from our routine causes disruption. Those with higher anxiety often have an intolerance to uncertainty (they like to have a plan and feel in control). The way people deal with uncertainty and change can include unhealthy habits, sleep issues, over or under-eating, OCD, social withdrawal, irritation etc.
During transitions, we can feel grief and anxiety as we move into a new identity. We lose old familiar parts of ourselves, leaving uncertainty and sadness. Playing a new role also raises questions because we’re forced to embrace more responsibility and stress.
Life transition examples
Examples can range from big and small life transitions.
Big life transitions: Divorce, changing location, losing a job, death or illness, reaching an age milestone (18, 21, 30, 40, 50 etc), marriage, becoming a parent, leaving university, retirement, buying a house.
Small life transitions: having an existential crisis, a romantic breakup, starting a business, buying a car, having a pet, losing a pet, renovating, failing at something, starting again after something fails, career change
The benefits of change
Change is beneficial so why don’t we embrace change? Perhaps it’s the unease of getting outside our comfort zone. Or the mistakes, struggle and confidence needed to keep persisting until successful. Having perfectionist tendencies can also keep us repeating what we know, becoming unwilling to fail or risk failure. And yet there are many benefits to embracing life transitions and change.
Post-traumatic growth
One big benefit of life change is experiencing post-traumatic growth. When we go through a big or small life transition we are forced to adapt. The post-traumatic growth theory asserts that when we go through trauma; the result is growth, self-discovery and resilience. By overcoming setbacks we also learn new skills (Tedeschi and Calhoun, 1996):
Appreciation of life: Traumatic events can make us appreciate things we previously took for granted.
New possibilities in life: Trauma can inspire us to adapt, innovate, and embrace new possibilities.
Spiritual change: Trauma often leads to reflection on core beliefs and purpose in life.
Relationships with others: Support can help us forge stronger bonds with others.
Personal strength: Surviving trauma can reveal inner strength and resilience.
Other benefits of life change:
Process-driven learning can let us appreciate learning for learning’s sake
Patience develops when we get exposed to diverse ways of being
Flexible ways of thinking allow us to adapt to change quicker
Empathy builds as we put ourselves in new situations
Learning new skills lets us see more opportunities
On a personal life transition…
Last year I became a mother. I didn’t know that with joy would come sadness, loneliness and grief.
I became hypervigilant, thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong. This led to catastrophising and having dips of depression, believing I was doing everything wrong.
Change is positive (having a new role, getting into discomfort and learning fast, evaluating my values). Still, there have also been negative moments (grief at the loss of free time, added pressure, and anxiety).
Of course, motherhood and any life transition is positive because ultimately we become stronger, more resilient and adaptable. That doesn’t make change easy. Becoming a mother happened quickly. A baby was born. He looked up at me. And just like that I had a huge responsibility.
Motherhood is a beautiful process that involves pain, loss and gain. As I become used to this new role I will make mistakes, cry and pick myself up again. Yes, I get to connect to my inner strength each day - I just need to remember my softness too.
Takeaway
Transition anxiety: life transitions often cause stress and anxiety due to uncertainty.
Impact of big changes: significant events like divorce, moving, or parenthood lead to grief and anxiety.
Post-traumatic growth: trauma or a big life change can enhance life appreciation, personal strength, stronger relationships, new opportunities, and spiritual reflection.
Personal insights: motherhood is an ongoing process of learning to adapt to new responsibilities.
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