Emotions mapping for better emotional intelligence
How are you (really)? It’s easy to answer, “fine,” “ok,” “good,” but is that true? Usually we answer this way to save time. And yet, if we can’t name our own emotions, how can expect to be authentic? Here’s how to clarify feelings, using emotions mapping for better emotional intelligence. [9.1.25.]
What you’ll learn:
Understanding Emotional Intelligence: Learn about the four key components of emotional intelligence—perceiving, using, understanding, and managing emotions—and how they shape our decisions and relationships.
Naming and mapping emotions: By being precise with our emotions we can map out better responses and what we need to help self-growth.
Needs: Ask what you need when you feel dysregulated/ stressed/ angry. Often we need to ground ourselves in what feels safe and familiar. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand the way people feel and react and to use this skill to make good judgements (avoiding and solving problems) (Cambridge Dictionary, 2025). Psychologists, Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence as:
"Emotional intelligence involves the ability to perceive accurately, appraise, and express emotions; the ability to access and/or generate feelings when they facilitate thought; the ability to understand emotion and emotional knowledge; and the ability to regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth."
— Peter Salovey and John Mayer, 1997
Salovey and Mayer believed Emotional Intelligence has 4 components:
(1) Perceiving emotions: Seeing our own and other’s emotions as well as nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice etc
(2) Using emotions: Using emotions to facilitate thinking, problem-solving, judgement, memory and creativity
(3) Understanding emotions: Understand complex and changing emotions. Realise how emotions can guide thinking, focused attention, decision-making and problem-solving.
(4) Managing emotions: to achieve personal goals and maintain emotional balance (especially in conflicts)
With practice, we can adapt and learn how to be better at regulating and controlling our emotions for productive results. By understanding how emotions impact actions we can connect to ourselves and others on a deeper level. This is because we can respond to stressful situations more mindfully, as opposed to reacting in a dysregulated way.
The emotions wheel: Naming how we feel
Human Systems: Comfortable Emotions
Human Systems: Uncomfortable Emotions
Although it’s said that there are eight primary emotions: joy, sadness, disgust, acceptance, fear, anger, anticipation and surprise (Pollack, 2016), others point to an array of emotions. Research by Human Systems shows that there are 257 emotion words. By finding the precise word for how we feel we can better communicate with ourselves and others.
The wheel is divided into two (comfortable and uncomfortable emotions). Behind emotions are needs, wants and desires that may or may not be met. There are times we seek connection and others when we strive to be alone. When we begin to ask ourselves, “What do I need right now?” we can start to explore how we may become more self-reliant, resourceful and imaginative.
As adults, we may feel overwhelmed, stressed and sad when our emotions seem to big and unpalatable. It’s easy to numb or distract ourselves in an attempt to repress difficult feelings. This leads to shame and the chance for big emotions to erupt when triggered.
Instead, by exploring how we really feel, we can shed light on heavy emotions, minus the shame and guilt. In therapy, or with loved ones who we feel safe with, we can investigate these feelings, accepting them without the immediate need to change them. In the busyness of life, it’s often more convenient to shelf our complex feelings, until the shelf breaks because what we feel has become too heavy.
Emotions mapping for better emotional intelligence
Now we have a list of nuanced emotions, it’s easier to explore how we usually react under pressure or stress. By observing our habits and instinctive reactions we can learn how to respond more mindfully. By pinpointing what triggers us, we can allow for more space for new responses (instead of regret). The more self-aware we are of our habits and impulses, the more freedom we have to choose new ways to act and feel.
3 steps to emotions mapping:
1) BIG EMOTION: Note what you tend to do when you feel a big emotion
When I feel stressed I tend to [eat snacks and then regret it later]
When I feel anxious I tend to [overthink and listen to my self-doubts, isolating myself]
When I feel angry I tend to [shout at my partner by saying mean hurtful comments]
2) RESPONSE: Explore how you’d like to respond
Stress: I’d like to respond by [eating healthily and taking a glass of water]
Anxious: I’d like to respond by [taking a break and not listening to negative thoughts]
Angry: I’d like to respond by [taking a time-out and purposely shaking off my anger in silence]
3) NEED: To respond mindfully, list what you need
Stress: I need [to practice drinking water and notice when I emotionally eat]
Anxious: I need [to journal, to find more emotional distance from my anxiety, to distract myself by walking]
Angry: I need to [talk to a therapist about my anger and find healthy anger management strategies]
When we know exactly how we feel, we can better understand our reactions, finding healthier responses. We can also connect to others and offer kindness when mistakes are made.
Improving our emotional intelligence gives us patience when we fail, seeing the common humanity in another. This brings a deeper sense of connection with our true selves and with others.