Perfection: just one way we hide our potential
In Playing Big, Tara Mohr reveals how we often hide from our potential through subtle self-sabotage—like over-preparing, staying in research mode, or gathering excessive feedback that dilutes our vision. By recognizing these perfectionist habits and facing our fears, we can finally take meaningful leaps forward. Also, I share my personal struggles with perfectionism. [29.10.24.]
“One of the most common ways women hide is by not taking ownership of their ideas and by waiting for someone else to give them permission to proceed.”
I read Playing Big (2014), by Tara Mohr over a year ago. The concept is that women self-doubt and listen to societal pressures instead of their inner guidance. Being a first-time mother, the ideas have a newfound resonance. She shares how to clarify fears and authentic desires and how to take exciting leaps forward.
Ways we hide from our potential (according to Tara Mohr)
-Over-preparing: spending too much time learning, becoming “an expert",” or perfecting (rather than taking imperfect action)
-Designing at the whiteboard: staying in planning and research/ brainstorming mode (rather than moving into execution)
-Collecting and relying on feedback: seeking other’s opinions and approval rather than trusting our own ideas and vision
-Small editing: obsessing over small details and avoiding bigger issues/ tasks
-Staying in school: using courses/ certifications as a delay tactic (believing we need more knowledge before we start)
-Waiting for confidence: believing we need to be confident before we act
-Hiding behind titles/ qualifications: limiting ourselves due to our job title, or past experience —this prevents us from chasing bigger goals
Perfection: avoidance and procrastination
Perfectionism often looks like high achievement, but it’s driven by fear and a sense of “never enough,” keeping us small and overly critical of ourselves and others. We may aim for flawless results and try to control outcomes, yet this pursuit of perfection can limit our potential and make us avoid risks to avoid mistakes or looking bad. While perfectionism can lead to praise in the short term, it holds us back from bigger goals, as we over-prepare, avoid big tasks, or wait to be “expert enough” to share our message.
I’m learning it’s okay to dive into new areas, make mistakes, and let experience—not just knowledge—be my teacher. Rather than fearing failure, I’m reframing it as feedback, a step on the path to growth. Trying, failing, and trying again (without spiraling into self-criticism) allows us to embrace our journey and expand in new directions.
I’m a perfectionist because I tend to see things in black-and-white: I’m either winning or failing, succeeding or not. But life isn’t that simple—we live in the “grey,” where success is non-linear and takes patience.
When perfectionism hits, it’s often wrapped up in shame—a mix of feeling inadequate, inferior, or “not enough.” It’s that knot in my stomach or tension in my chest when I think I might fail. These physical reactions are uncomfortable, and so perfectionism steps in, convincing me that aiming for flawlessness will protect me from feeling this way. Or, procrastination (focusing on details and easy tasks) keeps me away from uncertainty and potential failure.
Avoiding discomfort by trying to be perfect keeps me stuck. I’m learning that shifting to more neutral thoughts can help balance my inner critic, stopping shame from taking over. I’m practicing noticing harsh self-talk, breathing it out (or shaking it off) and going back to neutral thoughts (I ask “is this thought helpful?” or “what’s the realistic thought?” or “what’s an easy solution right now?”). By taking away the intense fear, uncertainty and panic away, I’m free to neutralise negativity.
Taking leaps forward
Tara Mohr mentions taking leaps forward. By taking immediate action (big and small) we remove fear and procrastination. Leaps move us closer to our goals, are grounded in genuine immediate feedback (rather than lengthy preparation).
They are: small but bold steps that we can take today, time-bound, embrace imperfection (results don’t need to be flawless), involve little preparation (gain insights once you’ve done it), include reflection on what you’ve learnt (learn, pivot, improve), and allows to keep building (repeating small leaps into more meaningful progress over time).
Similarly, making “gift goals” that feel good, helps us move towards our true gifts and purpose. They deeply reflect our values, and internal motivation (rather than external societal validation) which intentionally stretches us beyond our comfort zone.
Old goal: Get 10,000 followers on Instagram (so I can build a strong community)
New goal: Create inspiring posts on Instagram that I’m passionate about to connect and inspire others without focusing on follower metrics
Does perfection keep you in an avoidance procrastination loop? Book a therapy session here.